To Rae

Dear Rae,

I've figured you out. Our relationship can be better now, because I know what you are. You are the part of me that pushes me to be better, the part of me that doesn't accept failure, the part of me that wants me to succeed. In the past, I've allowed you to take over my mind. I've given you more power than I should have, and that has hurt me. You are critical. You focus in on my faults and I feel unworthy, unloved, unhappy, because I gave you that power.

Rae, I know now how to deal with you. I know that you can be a gentle, guiding force in my life, helping me to make decisions, motivate myself, and become the best person I can be. First we have to set some ground rules. No more focusing on my faults. As soon as your criticisms start tearing down my sense of self, I will shut you out. That's not to say you can't help me see where I might improve, but you must do it gently and quickly. No nagging. Also, when I come with an idea, let's look at it more positively. Instead of immediately telling me how I could fail, let's explore it with the goal of finding out whether it will make me happy, and if it will, how to make it happen.

I look forward to these changes. I look forward to making this a fruitful relationship, and becoming good friends. I am sure that you keen sense of right and wrong and your belief that I can be good at things will be good for me. Thank you. And from now on, you will no longer be Rae, the Root of All Evil, but Ray, the guiding light.

Love, Juliet.

To reach the unreachable stars

She sighs and holds the idea up, turning it back and forth in her minds eye. It catches the light of hope and glints attractively but she knows it is a false jewel of glass, and she lays it by. There are so many of them heaped about her, stifling her it feels. The weight of a thousand worthless dreams, all so beautiful, and so seemingly unattainable. She sifts through them endlessly, searching for the precious gem that will carry her forward, never realizing that every single one of them could be a diamond if only she'd let it.

The Drama Queens

The Drama Queens are back in town,
Mascara teardrops rolling down
Their florid cheeks past scarlet lips.
Spilling forth, wild spurts and snips.
Out of control, emotional cries.
Heat of the moment, twisting lies.

She hugs their broken, pent up sobs
About their boyfriends, kids and jobs.
Mrs. Fixit fixed it again
And stemmed the flood of blackened rain.
Off they trip, Oh! So satisfied.
Come again on tomorrow's tide.

Help Thou My Unbelief

The night is dark and I fear, my Lord,
To let go of this branch, to fall.
Think not, Lord, that I fear thy arms!
To thee I give naught but my all!
But I cannot see the bottom, Lord,
Of the chasm that gapes at my feet
And though I know my paltry grasp
Or this green sapling must know defeat
Though I know thine arms are waiting for me
To rescue me, save me, protect,
Fear of the unknown spasms my hands
And I cannot let go, though I'm wrecked.
Oh turn a blind eye to my unbelief!
See not my untrusting fear!
Oh Lord as I cling to my margin of safety
As in terror I weep in thine ear,
Oh wait for me! Wait for me Lord!
For soon I must fall from this place
And Lord if thou'rt not there to catch me
I am Lost! Oh I am lost into space!

A mere Seventy or Eighty years.

I'm in a boat crossing the seas.
Sometimes riding the crests
Sometimes down in the troughs
But only for the moment of this particular journey
From fledgling spirit
To eternal person
What's a mere seventy or eighty years compared with eternity?

How to enjoy Jane Eyre

The sunlight falls in pleasant stripes
From the blinds unto my bed
And nestled in my fingertips
My kitty rests her head.
The chocolates melt upon my tongue
With subtle floral hints
And resting head on pillows propped
I indulge with pleasant lavishness,
In a novel pleasing form and fancy
Of my mind's unsparing tastes.
From the first and gentle blossoms
Of Love to the bitter wastes
Of Despair and Sorrow plunging
Then up again to soar
Into a pleasing ending,
Happy evermore.

House-sitting.

The house is quiet,
Devoid of other.
I sit alone
At a stranger's table
When I eat my meals.
I watch tv alone
No-one to exclaim to.
I clean up my own messes,
And none other's.
It's peaceful,
And liberating.
I want more.

Propoganda machine

Playdough visions of formless minds
Ripe for societal conditioning
Bound by fear to boredom scarred desks
Waiting, watching, listening.